They say It’s always darkest before the sun
I’ve been waiting a long time for light to come
I thought that I had seen a sliver
But it seems I was hallucinating
They say rain don’t last forever
But I’m getting tired of waiting
Waiting for these clouds to break
Or to see the break of day
But it’s always darkest before you see the sun
At least that’s what they say.
I miss you a lot.
But you don’t seem to be missing me.
So I won’t let you know how I feel.
I’ll just continue to feel this way in torturous silence.
As my heart screams out for the love it once thought it was receiving.
Feels like it’s suffocating
Under all the pressure
I feel as if I’m under water
Gasping for air
But only more water fills my mouth
I just want all the blood to pour out of me, to be drained of all life force
The tears released so that I never have to feel this way I feel
The aching of my heart
The crushing pain of despair.
I don’t want to care.
Do you ever feel so alone and inadequate that this life you no longer care for,
& like the hardest crossword puzzle ever you rather just crumble it up & quit?
Have you ever felt so alone
that even when you hear the phone
you think it’s just a hallucination
because nobody ever calls anymore & it’s just a “what if somebody did” simulation?
Have you ever wanted to just hear the sound of another voice,
an opinion or a choice,
something to let you know
that there is someone out there
to converse with you?
Someone out there cares
on you. .
Have you ever felt like everything you loved was taken & never to return,
but all anyone’s commented on it is to say
“well that’s just a lesson learned”?
Have you questioned aimlessly when do these lessons end?
Have you thought of you
ending it all my friend?
Can I call you that?
You’re reading this,
and so I guessed
we had sort of a connection
where you read my words
and cared to used your time to continue
wasting using it up on me.
It seems that even if nobody else cares to hear my words they still continue to want to pour out of me & it’s a need of humanity that I crave.
“I love you.” She whispered in his ear as a single tear fell from her eye and cascaded down her cheek landing on his shoulder. She knew they could never be together. Not for the long run, not forever how they both wished. For they came from two different worlds of the same planet and despite the fact that they had similarities they wouldn’t be enough to keep them from going their separated ways. Their beliefs were too different even though they believed in one another. It was the bittersweetness that filled every kiss that made it so painful to continue to go on. She could taste the end before it even truly began, and she hated it.
“Why do you cry?” He asked so innocently. It hurt her and made her happy at the same time that he could not see what she could, the inevitable end they would eventually reach. He would never truly understand the pain that she felt, though he had his own personal battles which she would never fully comprehend how they effected him. Not for lack of trying more for lack of communication on his part, for it wasn’t customary for him to talk about his feelings where he was from. He was from a different world with a different view point and a different stance of the planet they both resided on. At times he would try to see things from her point of view but often he would just dismissed them as implausible. He couldn’t understand, to him, what seemed to be her “overuse” of emotions. She couldn’t understand his general lack thereof.
In the beginning, they felt like they had finally met their match. Match as in the missing puzzle piece that was lost before they even knew that something was lacking. They had finally found someone who could and more importantly would, willingly, patch the hole they felt deep inside their soul. They had stumbled upon each other, seemingly accidentally, and was beyond thrilled at this revelation. Though inescapably this wouldn’t last for long, for fate wasn’t on their side.
“I cry for us.” She replied. There was nothing but truth in her words. She cried tears of joy and sorrow all at the same time. For what they were and what they would become. For the past, present and future of them. She let water drip from her eyes as if to cleanse them. She could see the end before it even begin but she always thought she could somehow change the outcome. She didn’t want to believe that one day she would have to let him go or worse, one day he would leave. But she knew the truth and as the saying goes sometimes the truth hurts.
I Wish You
could see inside my heart and hear the things it’s says for you..see the way it beats for you,
it longs for you.
I Wish You
had a change of heart and mind
and thought of me,
half as much as I thought of you
& communicated that you were thinking of me.
I Wish You
weren’t so hard to get over
and that I was finally over
being under your spell.
But most of all,
I Wish You
the happy ending you deserve,
I knew this girl once who was absolutely amazing. She was beautiful, but not just in the way she looked. Her heart, mind and soul were beautiful. She had brown hair which glistened flecks of blonde when the sun hit it and brown eyes that were so deep that if you took the time to look into them you might just drown. She was amazing, her heart so big that she wanted to help everyone. She could and would make friends with anyone who came across her path.
The only people who disliked her were ones that refused to take a chance and get to know her. The ones who thought her kindness was faked, never wanting to believe that that was the furthest thing from the truth. “How can someone be so kind?” they would ask. She just was. That was just who she was. Nobody ever understood the torment or pain she went through which was the reason for her kind heart. Nobody ever cared to ask, only assuming that she had an ulterior motive. “Why would anyone be so caring to everyone?” they wondered.
She knew what it was like to not fit in. She knew what it felt like to be sad, to feel alone and just wish for one person to be kind. For that was the world she came from and didn’t want anyone else to feel that way. She figured that if enough kindness was shown that it might become contagious, like a flu. One person would catch it and pass it on the the next, unknowingly perhaps. She hoped more people felt the goodness that kindness had to offer and would want to continue spreading it, that one day there would be a world without hate or pain.
She was naive. Her vision innocently childlike. She never understood that some people were like the Grinch. That they let their hearts shrink and refused to do anything that might make it grow. They live off others misery.
Then she thought she found the one and fell in love and found out the hard way.
What can be said
When all’s said and done?
Is there something else that one should try to do?
When do you know that it’s time to give up, or stop trying,
when we’re taught to never quit..?
When is quitting granted and accepted, maybe even expected?
How far is too far?
How much is too much?
Is a little bit ever truly enough to last?
Why does it seem like our world stops even though we know that the rest of the world continues to move forward?
Melt away the pain
like the sun does the snow
bring warmth to my soul
help me to fill this hole
which seems to leak the happiness that I sometimes feel
between the sadness & the pain I can’t tell if it’s ever real.
Where do these dark clouds come from?
Why won’t they go away?
Happiness comes and lingers,
but never does it stay
I long enough love to fill this void
this black hole which consumes
the entirety of my mind
so often filled with doom.
A smile I try to remain,
but then my thoughts are haunted by the pain,
which seems trapped inside my brain
I try to get it out but wind up sounding insane
so I write it
never wanting to speak
the words and thoughts
which often leave me weak.
Fell & broke my face
along with my heart.
it hurts worse than I thought it would.
Nobody around to hear my cries,
I think it might be better that way.
I don’t even want a band-aid.
It won’t fix this wound anyways.
I thought I was over you
but it’s like picking at a scab,
and I continue to do so and bleed.
I am the deer
On the side of the road
Who was hit
Trying to cross the highway.
My now glassy eyes
Which didn’t see death coming
Remain opened as cars whiz past me
Continuing on with life.
As my cold body lays
the black pavement
warms up around me.
And life goes on.
I smile brighter than the sun shines
On a cloudless day
When the sky is blue
& birds sing symphonies.
I laugh louder and sing along with the birds
To a song I’ve never heard
But one that I feel
Deep inside my soul
Because I know
That at the end of the rain storm
Is a rainbow
& at the end of that is my pot of gold.
I worry not of the future
But I continue to plan
Even as pieces that I thought I’d keep forever seem to fall out of my hand.
Happy and healthy
And living my life
So happy to be living
I refuse to continue to hold on to any strife.
I smile, I laugh, I sing
I don’t worry about anything.
Everything will fall into place
I adore you
But I guess I bore you
I used to wish I was like them other chicks
So that I could allure you
I wished I was enticing
Maybe you’d like me if I was more exciting
I adore you
So why is it you despise me
From your lips to my ears
Is where all the lies be
But you make me coward
You scare the living daylights out of me
But you make me feel so weak
You leave me breathless
I can’t even speak
Love is forgiveness
I’ve loved you for so long
But all you’ve done is love me wrong