Grown Explorer

Sometimes I feel alone…
But I remember that I always have my thoughts.
I thought I had some friends,
But I can’t believe everything I thought.
Growing up you learn a lot.
Like don’t touch the stove cuz it is hot.
But too often enough,
We want to call the stoves bluff.
So we touch the stove
& we end up burning our hand.
Our guardians shake their heads like
“Why ain’t you listen to me? damn!”.
But they come to understand,
That sometimes we gotta go through shit.
Cuz sometimes that’s the only way,
We can truly recognize it.
So many times before,
Have I metaphorically burnt my hand on a hot stove.
But I’m getting better every day,
At selectively doing what I’m told.
I am now in control of myself,
Because now I’ve gotten too old…
Too old to be babied
Or coddled.
I eat solid foods,
No more of the bottle.
I have to stand on my own two feet,
Doing what’s best for me.
A lot of people will have their opinions,
But it’s not their game of hide & seek.
I am the seeker,
& the universe is the hider.
I am now old enough to explore,
& find the secrets that are inside her.
She has them buried,
Yet,
In plain sight.
& I will give my all to find them,
I will try with all my might.

Always Been There

Have you been happy lately?
That’s the question I was asked.
I’ve been happier than I was.
I’m happier than the past,
Me.
The one who used to cry,
For days, weeks, months on end.
The one who felt all alone
& only wanted to have one true friend.
Finally I found one
Funny thing is,
That friend was there all along.
Telling me “think happy thoughts” & putting joy into the song,
Which played from my heart.
My friend was lying there as I shed quiet tears in the dark,
My one true friend has always been myself.
& I have been here from the start.

Incursion

Went & did what I said I wasn’t going to do, but I can’t keep away it’s true.
Like a moth attracted to the light, my heart says stay & put up a fight.
You brought me to the apex of my heart
& illuminated a way for me through the dark.
The problem nonce?
I do not know.
For your true feelings
You do not show.
Luminary to me & I ’twas you,
We were each other djinni
But now it seems as if
A cloaks covers us & you can no longer see me.
Look me in the eyes & say
“This is the end of yesterday
& now you must go along
& sing your song all alone.”
The world is big,
Yes, it’s true…
But my world is incomplete without you.

White Walls

I’m alone in a white room, with nothing but my reflection & four walls to look at. My tan skin pops against the walls. My face looks distraught, yet I don’t know what’s wrong. Actually, I don’t know much of anything. Like how I got here for example.

“Hello?” I hear my low quaking raspy voice. I notice how dry my mouth is. I try to swallow to no avail. I feel like hours go by & still there isn’t a response. I should let you know I’m no good at measuring; whether it’s time, space, or flour. So it could have been seconds or minutes, but it felt like hours.

Again I try to speak, “Excuse me, why am I here?”. I step in front of the mirror. My hair is tangled & my eyes are sunken in. I look so tired. I feel so tired. I lay down, never taking my eyes off the mirror.

Where are you & why are you here? I begin thinking. What do you last remember? I ask myself. I can’t remember anything, I respond.
Try harder, the voice inside my head tells me.

I begin to close my eyes. I squeeze them shut & push them to the back of my head. Where was I before this? What was I doing? I can’t seem to find an answer. Again I ask to nobody in particular, “Why am I here?” I look in the mirror & notice a tear falling from my left eye.

“What do you remember?” the walls ask.

Startled, I look around.
“I.. I.. I don’t remember anything”, I manage to stutter out.

“You don’t remember or you don’t want to remember?”

I never thought that the reason why I couldn’t remember was because I didn’t want to remember.

“I’m trying to remember.”

Turn Off The Faucet

Tears pour out of my eyes like a faucet left running,
Sadness overtakes me; what am I becoming?
Make me happy again,
I’m trying so hard.
My eyes hold the key to my soul,
But they are closed & won’t let it free.

I finally get a hold of me.
Sadness cannot control me.
I am a caged bird but I sing to be free.
No more of being held in negativism captivity.
No longer will I let anyone belittle me.
My eyes were closed shut,
but with love I can now see.

Hold Not My Troubled Heart Against Me

Hold not my troubled heart against me.

Hold not my troubled heart against me,
For it knows not what it does.
It doesn’t want to get hurt anymore,
It just wants to be loved.

For it has been smashed & ran over
Therefore it isn’t quick to trust.
It’s been told “I love you”,
When in reality it was lust.

My ears have heard too many lies
That the truth has to be drilled in.
I have loved falsely before
This time I don’t want to pretend.

I don’t want to love someone who hurts me,
Or doesn’t match my effort.
I want someone who will get into the ring with me
Someone who will help to make it work.

Hold not my troubled heart against me,
For it knows not what it does.

Flowers In Her Hair

She walks like a dreamer,
Swaying in the wind.
The moon is her very best friend.
Sunshine is her medication,
When she’s feeling low.
A walk outside & those blue feelings go.
She’s got flowers in her hair,
& dreams in her eyes.

Friday In The Summer Time

Children are playing in the pool,
On this warm summer day tryna remain cool.
The sun is hot,
The breeze is gentle.
The smell of flowers in the air,
Bob Marley in my mental.
Don’t worry be happy,
Words to live by.
Enjoy ever moment of your life,
Cuz one day you’ll wake up & wonder how did time fly.

Speak; Pouring It All Out

Cracked heart, broken & shattered.
All these emotions inside of me,
do they even matter?
All they seem to do is cause a bunch of strife…
If we’re just living to die, is that really even a life,
Worth living…
Are we really worthy of living?
If we keep throwing away all the…
Chances we’re givin’, to try again..?
Or are we setting ourselves up, for a painful death…
I wish I could pour out all these emotions…
Inside of me until there ain’t any left.

Words Of The Day

I was in a scrum because you proloined my heart.
You’ve became jejuned, what happened to the maturity you showed me at the start?
Yet still you’re indelible from my brain.
I’m put in a medial position, somewhere between cutting my losses & going all in.
Everyone’s always told me to be more pedantry, but I’m known to throw caution to the wind.

Scrum: a place or situation of confusion.

Proloin: to steal, often in a violation of trust.

Jejune: lacking maturity

Indelible: impossible to remove, erased/washed away.

Medial: of or in the middle. In/pertaining to the middle.

Pedantry; excessive concerns with minor details & rules.