I wasn’t always so sad
or anything in between.
I was once happy,
like a pageant queen.
My smile was so luminous and big.
I used to have laughter like that of the little kids.
Unnerved by anything and everything,
delighted just to be.
But then something terrible came over me.
This dark cloud which won’t seem to go away.
I tell it to LEAVE but it laughs at me and continues to stay.
I just want to go back,
go back to the happiness.
Go back to laughing.
I hate all of this,
negativity inside my head.
It makes me wish, not that I was dead,
but that I didn’t exist.
I’m not suicidal,
just being isn’t what I wish,
when this dark cloud comes and won’t leave.