Piece Of Me (Survivor’s Guilt) [Past My Past]

My childhood was war

Sometimes nonstop bombing for months on end

Hand grenades tossed carelessly without thought or precaution for casualties

Pieces of me

Blown to pieces

Trying to seek peace

But instead I’m

Battered and bruised

Cut and torn

and

even though my body is still whole

I am left with the phantom ghost that is my heart

And it haunts me

On the daily

Reminding me

That it still lives on

Even in the after life

And that I am free to join it

As it rests in peace

I just have to heal past these memories

Of my past, that I can’t seem to let go of

Even though I’ve tried to swat them away

Like fly paper they’ve stuck to me

And even though I’ve gone through so many rainy days

I still am able to remember how sunshine feels on my skin

And am thankful

Even though remembering my past is painful

My heart tells me that it’s okay to let go

I don’t need to have survivor’s guilt syndrome

Because I made it past my past

Because as long as I live on
it is always with me
and lives on too

 

 

 

 

*Survivor guilt (or survivor’s guilt; also called survivor syndrome or survivor’s syndrome) is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not.

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You don’t have to be strong for me
I am strong enough for the both of us
You don’t have to fight your demons alone
I am ready for battle
My sword, my gun, my shield is ready
And I will love you for infinity

Jumping Out Of The Frying Pan And Into The Fire

I used to think of myself as a chameleon
I took pride in my ability to blend in with my surroundings
To conform to things around me
As not to stick out
To make it seem like I fit in
Knowing that I didn’t
But now I know that I am a Phoenix
Always meant to stick out
Never meant to be average
Meant to soar
Meant to fly
Made to withstand flames
Made to walk through the Fire
To become the fire
To be The Fire
Made to be reborn
Time and time again
Made to shed my skin
My feathers
My ideals of what everyone else thought I should be
So that I can be true to my identity
And learn to just be beautiful unique me

​ My Only Wish

My only wish is that you will feel my love
In every fiber of your being
In every bone in your body
In every neuron of every atom
In my words
Through my actions
When I smile
& when I look you in the eyes
My only wish is that you know how much I love you
How infinite it is
How gigantic my feelings are
How much I truly feel for you

Dear Stormy

I love that you call me Sunshine
Because I’m here to take away you’re rain
& I don’t care how much you try to fight me
Because I am here to help you transform your pain
I love how much you opened up to me
Because it helped me to understand
Just how lucky I am to have you by my side
And that I get to watch you grow into being a man
I love you more than words can express
But I will try to do my best
So listen closely from now on
My love for you is like a song
& I hope it gets stuck in your head
& it’s on over and over and over again
I can’t wait to be your best friend
And for us to tell eachother all our secrets
But for now I have one
And I don’t want you to keep it
I want you to shout it from the roof top
I’m going to love you even after my heart stops

He said She said

He said we are perfect for each other even with our imperfections

yeah

She agreed, but knew they’d have to wait and see

cuz she heard similar things from other lovers who’d always leave

He said we found love not because we are perfect but learn to see eachother’s imperfections perfectly

yeah

She agreed, wanting to be loved perfectly

cuz she never knew what that felt like

He said I’m not like them don’t compare the two

ok

She agreed, wanting it to be true

cuz she heard that before and hadn’t been proved wrong yet

She said I won’t ever leave you

ok

He agreed, knowing he had her right where he wanted her

in his pocket, close to his heart

She said I’ll love you forever

yeah

He agreed,  knowing how powerful her love was

hoping what she gave him would last for eternity

She said you’re hurting me

no

He agreed, but refused to admit it

because if he did he would have to change and lose the hold he had on her

They both lied

I Hate You

I hate that I love you
I hate that I care
I hate that I still reach out
Knowing you won’t be there
I hate that I have feelings for you
I hate that I want you
I hate that I still want us
I hate how you broke my heart
FUCK! I hate you so damn much
I hate you because I love you
And I really wish I didn’t
I say I fucking hate you
But really who am I kidding?
I fucking love your dumbass
With all my fucking stupidass heart
I hate it even more that now we’re fucking apart
I hate that I let you in
Time and time again
& gave you all my love
And we not even remain friends
I swear I hate you!
As much as you can hate something you love more than anything else
But as much as I love you I guess I hate myself
Because I allowed me to be hurt by you

Love Is…

Love is just an illusion, that I want to believe in.
Love is  an aroma, that I want to breathe in.
Love is what I wanted to give you.
Love is just something that you couldn’t do.

Silent But Deadly

I’m trying to hold on

but you make it so hard

Each time, pushing me further away

& stepping on my fingers as I try to get my grip

It’s like you don’t want me here any more

But you’re so over using words

That you just let your actions speak louder, for you

That way you don’t have to ever say you ever said the things you never did

Because technically you didn’t say them

You just made sure I could feel em.

Incompatible

We fight

You leave

We fight

And our hearts bleed

Each one hurting more and more

You don’t wannabe around me

Cuz I make you wanna drink

And I feel like I can only stand long amounts of time around you if I got that shit that stank

You Are What You Allow Yourself To Become

You don’t know what a bad guy is until you meet a good guy

And when you meet a good guy you’re already damaged from the bad guy

And the pain makes you..

The pain makes you.

It takes you

And it fucks you up

Always looking for a reason not to trust

Always looking to catch someone in a lie

Always fearful of being hurt again..

The pain becomes you…

And you become the pain

And you live in it

You seek refuge in it

You are twistedly comforted by it

The pain.. makes you feel safe

You’re safe because you know what to expect

You know how it will hurt you

You know your enemy

But the pain makes you feel unsafe

How can you ever be happy?

Who will ever truly love you?

Who can you trust?

When will this agony end?

Overflow

A trail of tears follow me

As a trail of flowers precedes a bride

Slowly yet surely with each stride

Unlike her

I try to hide

This rush of emotions I feel swelling up inside

Two Can Play But Only One Can Win

She said “you’re just like your father, alway running away from your problem.”

He said, “you’re just like your mother, always running towards some.”

Swords were drawn. The only question left to ask was who would make the first strike, land the first blow, draw the first drop of blood.

Intensity thick as smoke after fish-bowling your car filled the air. Her nose flared, his eyebrows raised. And suddenly her angry poker face softened ever so slightly as she let out a curt bout of air from her still flared nose and a gentle mischievous little smirk curled her lips as she laughed a few times.

“Oh..? Is that right?” She asked sarcastically curious.

“Yup!” He exclaimed. His eyes lowering as he became more relaxed, a tight smirk of his own showing up on his face.

And at that her smirk broadened into a smile. A cheshire cat smile so big and wide it seemed to have taken up her entire face. And as he was blinded by the beauty that is her, “I always seem to be running to you” she struck him.