With Or Without Me

I would be lying if I said I want you to be happy even it if you weren’t with me

Because I want you to be happy, don’t get me wrong

I want you to be so happy you don’t know how to contain your joy

And you smile so much your cheeks ache

And your heart bursts from all the happiness it’s overwhelmed with

But not without me

I want you to be sad without me

Hurt and in pain

Sick to your stomach

Can’t think

Can’t breathe

Can’t go on

I want you to be happy, just not without me

And that’s selfish

I know

Oh so selfish of me

And how dare I think this

Feel this

Let alone say this

How dare I not want you to be happy

Either way it goes

With or without me

But I can’t help what I feel

And I guess at the end of the day it all just boils down to

Down to the simple fact that

I just want you to feel how I feel

And that’s selfish because I should want you to be happy either way

With or without me

Still Looking

So confused
Seemingly no where to look up the answers
To the many questions that my mind poses
It is said
And believed to be true
That all the answers to your questions
Is inside of you
But where does one look
When they’ve looked
And they’ve looked
But still cannot find one?

Wet Dreams

Sometimes she fantasies about drowning in her own tears. Being smothered by the salty wetness. It’s painful but only as long as she fights it. After a minute or so euphoria breaks through, and she’s happy for a little while unmeasurable by time before darkness encases her whole life. It would be a bittersweet reunion because that’s something she’s used to.

Black Blue & Terrified of Loving You

I have bruises and contusions

And I’m constantly losing

My mind and my footing

I pick rocks that are shiny

And the sun’s so bright it blinds me

But I just keep staring at it

And I want to call you

But like the universe you make me feel small too

Even tho at times you make me feel infinite

I bite my nails when I’m bored, when I’m nervous or just because

And I push you away because I’m terrified of love

ing you

Like giving you my all and being everything you want

And somehow losing myself in the process

I’ve been there before

Transforming and conforming

And I don’t want to do that again

I want someone to love me

Just as I am

Love me for me

Not what I could be

Love me just because you love me

Take my good and my bad

image

I don’t usually do this. But here’s a handwritten poem by me. I’ll post the words later with a title. Still can’t figure out what to call it.. Suggestions are welcomed..

Jagged Pieces of My Broken Heart

I tried picking up the pieces of my broken heart
but they were jagged & cut my fingers
and now there’s blood all over the place
And I can’t see anything but red
or feel anything but pain
and everything feels different
and nothing feels like it can ever be the same
And I just feel insane,
I’m losing it,
slowly going crazy;
tears are running from my eyes
and my mind is getting hazy
I feel so lethargic,
losing all this blood must’ve made me lazy
or it could just be that I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore
Because my heart is broken
and my fingers are bleeding
from picking up all the jagged pieces of my broken heart

Come Back To Me

You were the Stitch to my Lelo.
But then you got lost & went missing like Nemo.
I was blinded by love,
but I still can’t see tho.
Said you gave me your heart,
guess it got repo’d.
Wish we could go back to the future of our love,
I’m hoping for a sequel.
But no western,
I know you hate that.
Where did our love go?
I want it back.

Fading Films

You were the Stitch to my Lelo.

But you got lost and went missing like Nemo.

I was blinded by love, but I still can’t see tho.

Said you gave me your heart, guess it got Repo’d.

Wish we could go Back To The Future of our love, hoping for a sequel.

But not the western, I know you hated that.

Where did our love go?

I want it back.

How did the color of our world turn to black?

Ay├║dame Por Favor, Necesito Tu Amor

I only expect you to love me because you said you do
It seems “I love you” means different things between me and you
I can accept the fact that not everyone loves me
But I can’t accept the fact that you don’t

And so I hold on
Hold onto thin air
Gasping
Waiting
For you to bring me oxygen in the form of love
Which I not only crave
But need

If You’d Only Let Me

It seems
I’ve fallen in love with your insides
All the beautiful broken pieces
That make you whole
And although I know somewhere there’s a hole or two
I’m more than willing to help you find it and fix it
I’m not too sure if I’m able, but where there’s a will there’s a way

And I want to find that way
Because I feel like you help me find the missing pieces of me
And I would love to return the favor
I would love to hold you
I would love to hug you
I would love to love you

No More Words

You want to dominate me
Even tho now I won’t submit
I love you so much
something I often wish I could forget
Forget about you
and your beautiful mind
Forget about us
and how you’re not mine.
You say your love for me
is unexplainable
But to me your love is
unattainable
You say you love me
but you show me just the opposite
Got me wising I could cancel my love for you
Put a hold and a stop on it
Your words are just words to me now
with no actions backing them
I’m so sick of playing charades
I no longer wish to pretend
If you really love me
you better start showing
or else
I’ll really be going..

I Don’t Know What Love Is But

I don’t know what love is,
but I want it.
I dream of it.
I ache for it.
I just plain ‘ol gotta have it.

I don’t know what love is,
but I imagine it.
I think of it constantly.
It stays in my thoughts,
always running through my mind.

I don’t know what love is,
but it terrifies me.
It frightens me.
It scares me.

I don’t know what love is,
but I think I have an idea.
An old faded picture of it resides in my hearts crevices where if I stare really hard at it I can fathom the concept of it.