You were the first one to make me feel like I wasn’t worth it
So for you I always tried to be perfect
But nothing was ever enough
You always seemed to called my bluff
& I just wanted
You made me feel like I was never worth it
Tried so hard to get your attention I made myself sick
It’s because of you I’m so damn independent
Yet still I always felt so damn limited
26 years & sometimes I still feel like child
Someone tell me where did all the time go?
Ohh ohh, it musta passed me by
Ohh, where did all the time go?
It used to be you & I…
But now it’s just me
Just me, just me
Now it’s just me
Just me, just me
I am the leaves falling seemingly gracefully off the tree branches
As if dancing with the wind
Floating to my final destination point
I’ve buried you a million times
Deep inside my heart
In the crevices of my mind
Hoping that with the water from the many tears that glided down my cheeks something beautiful would grow
But fruit produced from your seed quickly rotted
The flowers around all died
& nothing good would grow from it
No matter how many tears I’ve cried
I will go to sleep..
And I will..
Dream of you.
I just hope that tonight,
You’ll be dreamin’ of me too.
I miss having arms wrapped around
Making me feel just a little bit warmer
On those cold winter nights.
Someone I could snuggle against
And feel the beat of their heart
And hear the stillness of their breath.
The ever constant inhale and exhale
That let me know I was not alone.
Even when you would turn,
I would turn too.
And then I would latch my arms and I would be holding you.
I made you the center of my universe.
Funny how it all came crashing down
Like a satellite falling out of orbit
My heart crashed straight into the ground
***Skylab was the first American space station and fell to Earth in 1979, with debris falling into the Indian Ocean and onto parts of Australia.
I’m trying to leave the past in the past but it’s just so easy to grasp,
Who’s to say that we have it won’t last,
It’s like watching a beautiful disaster,
Calamity, plans crash.
Where is my home?
Where is my heart?
To either question, I don’t know.
It’s getting hard to not have love around,
And I think it’s beginning to show.
First my mind left
And now I think the feelings are beginning to go.
Such a silly silly game we play,
I’m getting tired of the whole, rigamarole.
I was creeping ya TL
as you texted me
Telling me to get on yahoo to see what you messaged me
You would appreciate it you said
So I climbed outta bed
I want to be your bestfriend, your diary & partner in crime.
I want to give you all of me & I want you to be all mine.
And I hope you don’t mind,
But you’re a constant on my brain.
I’m a bit obsessed with you, a bit “‘carried’ away”,
Some would say insane.
I just want you at your happiest
And I’m willing to work my way up from the bottom
I want to help you find solutions to all of ya problems
We battle our depression with tha natural herb
Rollin up our problems and kick ’em to the curb
But sometimes the battles not always won & we still end up hurt
And that’s where I would come in, puttin in that work
Keeping you happy,
Not just content
Cuz to me you’re an angel,
Gotta be heaven sent
Because we’ve been thru hell so much
We got used to the smoke
Be around it so much
That now we barely even choke.
Can’t have no future
Without having a past
They say to take it slow,
But life moves to fast
Love is wanting what’s best for the other person.
Love is giving more than your taking.
Love is putting someone else’s needs before your own.
Love is patient and helpful.
Love is being there for somebody when they need you the most.
Love is learning to put aside differences to make a better union.
Love is cooperating with someone else for the better well-being of you both
Tryna get across,
What’s inside my head.
Sometimes it like,
Tryna talk to the living dead.
Can’t feel man.
It’s cool if you don’t get it,
But at least try to understand.
That’s the thing I don’t like.
Express myself in colors for things that I don’t write.
You’re finally realizing that she’ll never be able to love you how I loved you.
Nobody ever will.
Does she send you text messages to say how much she misses you,
When you aren’t there?
She does? But does she mean it?
She says she loves you, but have you seen it?
Will there be another who sacrifices for you
like a mother
And is always there to talk to & protect you
like a brother?
Maybe, but she’s prolly smarter than I was back then.
To think I could be your lover & your friend,
My, how naive I was.
To think your love would be able to fit me, like a hand in a glove. .
You were never capable of the love that I needed.
For you my heart broke, my heart burst, my heart bleeded.
And you watched with such fascination,
Intrigued by my pain, you watched as I tried to heal ever laceration.
And when you thought I wouldn’t make it, you turned away.
You continued to walk in the opposite direction as I called after you, begging you to stay.
You said you didn’t love me
How could you NOT love ME
What did I do to make you stop?
I lifted you from the bottom,
I was pushing you to the top!
You said once you get there, we’d be all set.
But you thought you got there & then about me you just forget.
You forgot about me,
But she caught your eyes.
It’s my fault for believing in you,
And listening when you told me you weren’t like them other guys.
When I looked through your phone
And I saw what you said.
You killed a piece of me,
My weak side is now dead.
I am everything you wanted me to be & so much more…
Yet you couldn’t handle all of me,
Is that why you walked out the door?
You wanted a mother, a wife & a daughter,
I can’t be all three.
I am only one person,
And I gave you all of me.